November 14, 2019

Member spotlight: Selene Ray

Selene Ray


Catch that hot consensual non-consent scene in the “psycho killer” room at Howl & Scream?  We catch up with the girl (and the brains) from that breathtaking scene, to find out what makes her tick.

Your scene at the Halloween party was incredible – everyone around was riveted in silence throughout. if you hadn’t pre-briefed the DMs, I’m sure some people watching might have thought it was actually non-consensual. How did you come up with the idea?

SR: “So the idea of consensual non-consent (CNC) + capture and torture + creepy Halloween slasher killer started as a fantasy of mine since I was a kid if I’m being fully honest — most of my fantasies growing up were of capture and torture but not to the level that you saw at the party, much more watered down, of course. I have also always been weirdly turned on and intrigued by the 80’s/90’s horror villains — seeing Mike Meyers walk toward his next prey excited me in a way that I’m pretty sure was different than most of my friends watching along. I LOVE getting scared! Fear play is fun for me, and I’m the kind of person who will go to all of the haunted houses during October and I will be the girl that the actors single out because they can get such a reaction from me. I really let myself drop into the fear and get all worked up! 

Knowing what I know about the psychology of Kink, I would say that it was a way for me to eroticize the fear I experienced, it helped me feel more in control of the fear, therefore letting myself feel a range of emotions but still stay in some control. Similarly, capture/torture and CNC fantasies allow me to safely experience carnal desire toward me from someone who has no care for social propriety or morally acceptable behavior.  

As for the scene, I can’t take full credit for how amazing it was — y’all at Lovely Fate provided a stage and general direction (reading my mind!), and my play partner, Jack, had a lot to do with how powerfully hot it was. He and I have been engaging in weird, (good) fucked-up fantasy play for some time and it helps that we are equally into some deranged shit and can find a good groove together. I think that might be the reason it worked out as it did, I couldn’t have dropped into the scene if it wasn’t with someone I knew so well and trusted with my pleasure and safety.  So we cultivated the idea by exploring all the things that turn me about these fantasies and then crafted the perfect scenario for me to be simultaneously terrified and aroused *drool*

This is what Kink is about, for me anyway — it’s not about the high level of pain, how hot something looks, or the sadistic things I can tolerate — it’s about the connection I have with someone, the level of really getting to know them and appreciate them for who they are, and then being able to ask… “what kinky, weird, maybe fucked-up things do you fantasize about and how can we reenact that so you feel good about yourself and turned on at the same time?” And always having fun, no matter what. Kink is an expression of the things we can’t do in our day to day, finding a way to eroticize it, and then connecting with good people to share that with. I was so grateful for the space Lovely Fate and the attendees created, it was one of my favorite nights, ever!”

How did you go about discussing the idea with your play partner that was topping the scene?  Did you just give him a general theme, did you give him every detail and action you wanted him to do… or somewhere in between? 

SR: It was somewhere in between — luckily he has some background in creating scenes of a wide variety. We discussed what turns me on about CNC, capture/torture, and Halloween villains, and then we spit-balled back and forth to come up with a story that would allow us to both drop into. From this, he had the brilliant idea of story-lining it to start weeks prior — a stalker taking photos of his next victim, to eventually drugging her, then creep on her in her bedroom (her most sacred space) — these were the photos you probably saw lining the room. It told a story that brought us to the actual live scene where it picks up after he has drugged her (me), put me in school girl outfit and then molest me, make me come like the dirty slut he fantasized I was, and then expose me to a camera so he could use it for his dirty spank bank later. When it came to the actual impact play and pleasuring, because of our dynamics in the past, he knew what worked for me already, and we established unsuspecting cue words throughout so he knew where I was at with my pain/pleasure level. Communication is key!! Now, the power tool that brought me to orgasm about 3-4 very intense times, that was a new thing that your kinky mind, Dexx, suggested, and boy am I glad you did! What a glorious torture and pleasure device… whew!! Certainly enough to bring me to come so powerfully that I “passed out”!

Is that type of scene typical of what you enjoy when you are bottoming?

SR: I would say a scene of that level is something I could only do once in awhile because the intense headspace it requires for me and the type of day-after-drop I have makes it a special occasion scene, when I know I’m in a good emotional place and have lots of good aftercare available to me at least the next 24-48 hours. When I’m bottoming, I like corporal punishment, sensual domination and primal play the most consistently.  I really like to have a variety of options of play because a lot of it depends on my mood. I’m a fluid person and like to take on different energies and personalities, which is why I like to have partners who are creative and versatile or multiple partners that I can explore the different dynamics with.

I understand you’re a switch.  Can you describe your play style when you’re topping a scene, in 3 words?

SR: Lovingly dominating tease.

What’s your earliest memory of realizing that you were kinkier than most folks?

SR: It was this scene in The Addams Family movie when Morticia was strapped to a torture wheel and Gomez was talking to her so romantically like he was getting turned on by the scenario and would also do anything to make her happy and keep her safe. Then of course I masturbated to that, frequently. I realized that others weren’t likely doing the same, because I didn’t really see it in movies or hear anyone else talking about it liking such things, so I figured this was a very personal and unique experience that I had going on in my brain. When American Pie came out and finally my friends and I started talking about masturbation I realized they weren’t doing it to these kinds of fantasies, and I had major head scratching moments. But then I would have sexy escapades with the “bad boy” in high school who would do really hot things like drag a knife across my belly, lovingly, teasing me as we were making out (hence the knife in the scene we did at Howl & Scream). So I knew that there must be other people out there who have similar fantasies and interests, I just had to find more of them, and I had been on the hunt ever since. 

How long have you been in the kink community?  How did you first discover it?

SR: I have been in the scene for about 7 years. I attended (then called) Sanctum, now Snctm. It was their second party and I was flogged for the first time and learned what a submissive and slave was for the first time, and I knew I was home. I worked for Snctm for a bit in different roles — costume design, submissive, kink-liason, and eventually they decided to go toward more of a sex club route and I bowed out of that.  However, while at Snctm, I met my first Dom who took me under his wing and trained me as a sub and never made it about penetration, which was incredibly liberating. It was then that I realized that Kink is a sexual orientation for me, it satisfies me in ways that most Vanilla people are satisfied by a blow job or an orgasm. I don’t need my genitals touched or to reach orgasm to feel fully satisfied; but I do know that I need some sort of kink play in my life to make me feel sexually satisfied. It’s very empowering as a cis-woman to own my sexuality in that way and not settle for anything less than a dynamic with someone that requires a variety of skills, who is not genital-focused, and is willing to explore fantasies, have good communication, a wild imagination, and connected vulnerability. 

What do you like to do for fun when you’re in more of a vanilla mood?

SR: I love getting outdoors hiking, rock climbing, camping or meditating in nature. I also do partner acrobatics (acroyoga) which, ironically has a lot of overlap in the kink world if you look at it just right 😉 Aside from that, I own my own business and am in the process of scaling it and making  a global impact. I’m very passionate about my career and it takes up most of my vanilla time, at the moment, but I’m working to change that (thanks Tim Ferriss!).

Any fun plans for the holidays?

SR: I have been on a bit of a hiatus with kink play (Howl & Scream was my reintroduction after taking a much needed break following the end of a toxic relationship), and so now I am excited to get playing again, and I plan to have lots of kinky switchy fun with a new partner I’ve recently met. With regards to my vanilla life, I’ll be having some good, wholesome family time and one of my dear friends is getting married in the beautiful woods of Sonoma County — I’ve never been to a winter wedding and I’m really looking forward to wearing my amazing pet-play-worthy fur coat and sneaking off to get kinky with my date where we might get caught (in case you hadn’t guessed, exhibitionism and humiliation is also one of my turn ons 😉 )

Interested in planning your own special scene at a play party?  Email us at, so we can help coordinate any space & equipment you might need.